I was looking through all my Musical Monday posts the other day to prepare for today's post. It was really interesting. I hadn't realized there were so stinkin' many! I paused on this particular post and listened to the song. It's the first time in about three years that I allowed myself to listen. It's funny, as soon as the opening measure began, I started tearing up, waves upon waves of memories overtaking me, not all good, not all bad. I wasn't sure I wanted to go "there" because I'd fought so hard to deal with, accept, and move on from those very same memories that were threatening to overcome me.
What Might Have Been really struck a chord with me the first time I'd ever heard it nearly twenty years ago. I sometimes wonder how many of us have one of those relationships... All of us? Some? Most? Am I alone in the storm of tears that has actually led me to not listen to it anymore?
The video also caused me to cry when I first saw it because I could totally relate to it. For what ever reasons I'm not sure about anymore, a relationship that I thought would progress to marriage ended, even though that's not what I wanted. No, not by a long shot.
Do I still think about him? Yes. It's hard not to. He's a major part of my life. People like him just don't... vanish from our thoughts. Do I dwell on him like I used to? Meh... No. Not like I used to. I'm trying. I really am. What else can I do?
As I've reflected upon our relationship over the years, I've realized that I was probably more into it than he ever was. He knew every thing about me. EVERYTHING. I would hazard a guess that he still does. It seemed like he could read my mind--yet I knew very little about him. I'd ask but he wasn't interested in sharing. Early on, I thought I knew him as well but either my memory has dimmed or I was on cloud 9 and not really paying attention. Having said that, he was still one of the longest-lasting "relationships" I've ever been a part of and it was hard to let go of something/someone that had let go of me.
The lyrics to this song almost fit "us". So many things bring out specific memories and I would long for that "might have been". We have taken different roads.
And like at the end of the video.... I saw him once. At an airport. (Wait, isn't that a Rascal Flatts song? *wry chuckle*) It was but a brief moment but an experience that I am grateful for, treasure, and (for the most part) wouldn't change. It was years since I'd kissed him what I thought was a temporary good bye and while we've both obviously grown older (and married to others), I still saw the young man who filled me with such completeness and love. I also saw the years that have passed us by, the diverging roads. The differences. The spouses. I still felt love, a whole lotta love, and yes, my heart felt the same way, ripped out, when he walked away... again.(There's a reason why it is recommended to not be friends with former "lovers".)
I've spent many years wondering what would have happened had we married Would we have been happy? Would we have destroyed each other? Would life have been better? Of course I realize it wasn't not healthy and have finally gotten to the point where I don't ruminate any more. It wasn't meant to be and I now try to choose to live my life in the present.
But still. The song affects me, deeply. Those memories. Those painful, wonderful memories. Is it any wonder I've removed it from my iPod playlist?
Though, as hard as I try to avoid it, every once in a while when I hear a song (or ten), I do find myself briefly reflecting on"What Might have Been".
Sure I think about you now and then
But it's been a long, long time
Well I've got a good life now, I moved on
So when you cross my mind
I try not to think about what might have been
Cause that was then and
We have taken different roads
We can't go back again
There's no use giving in
And there's no way to know
What might have been
We can sit and talk about this all night long
And wonder why we didn't last
Yes, they might be the best days we will ever know
But we'll have to leave them in the past
So try not to think about what might have been
Cause that was then
And we have taken different roads
We can't go back again
There's no use giving in
And there's no way to know
What might have been
Same old look in your eyes,
It's a beautiful night
I'm so tempted to stay
But too much time has gone by
We should just say goodbye
And turn and walk away
Try not to think about what might have been
Cause that was then and we have taken different roads
We can't go back again
There's no use giving in
And there's no way to know
What might have been
No we'll never know
What might have been..
But it's been a long, long time
Well I've got a good life now, I moved on
So when you cross my mind
I try not to think about what might have been
Cause that was then and
We have taken different roads
We can't go back again
There's no use giving in
And there's no way to know
What might have been
We can sit and talk about this all night long
And wonder why we didn't last
Yes, they might be the best days we will ever know
But we'll have to leave them in the past
So try not to think about what might have been
Cause that was then
And we have taken different roads
We can't go back again
There's no use giving in
And there's no way to know
What might have been
Same old look in your eyes,
It's a beautiful night
I'm so tempted to stay
But too much time has gone by
We should just say goodbye
And turn and walk away
Try not to think about what might have been
Cause that was then and we have taken different roads
We can't go back again
There's no use giving in
And there's no way to know
What might have been
No we'll never know
What might have been..
