MM: Peanuts Everywhere

In honor of Peanuts Movie week, I decided to share this video by one of my favorite groups.  Enjoy.

MM: The Old Songs

As I've been resting my fractured sesamoid the past few days, I've been partaking of my latest obsession while listening to Spotify.  I've been listening to my song list "Random Old Songs" for the past couple days.  It's a list of songs that I don't have access to on my iPod.

I don't remember what I was thinking when I created the list.  As songs cycle through, I find myself surprised that I added them.  There is at least one that I used to have a negative emotional attachment to but as I listened to it today, I realized that the attachment  to the time and place was gone.  I could listen to it and not feel the formerly accompanying negative emotions.  Yahoo!!!!

These songs are there simply because I like them.

That got me to pondering about the rest of the songs.  There are many songs that are really all over the genres.  All but a couple were chosen for no reason other than I had happy memories.  The old ones, really old ones, send me back to when I was a little girl playing with my Barbies and My Friend Mandy (dang, mine is an original!) in my bedroom while listening to my transistor radio.  The list progresses through my teens and even into my twenties.

What do they represent to me?  Hope.  Hope for the future. Me believing.  I can listen to these songs and be transported back to when I had my whole life ahead of me and I believed that things would change and there would come a time where I'd be (but more importantly feel) loved, cherished, and wanted.

Music is powerful and so interconnected to our memories. I've said that before and this experience has only proven to me how powerful it is.

MM: Voices Carry

Voices Carry is one of those songs that is a favorite from my childhood, er, rather teenage years.  I added it to my iPod playlist several years without really thinking anything about it other than I loved the song.  Even though I've sung the lyrics for thirty years now (gulp!) they really never hit me with force about what they mean until the other day when I was taking the Caboose to lacrosse practice.

Oh, wow.  Wow, wow, wow.

They spoke to me.  They really spoke because the lyrics are painfully familiar.

I try so hard not to get upset
Because I know all the trouble I'll get
Oh, he tells me tears are something to hide
And something to fear-eh-eh
And I try so hard to keep it inside
So no one can hear 

 [snip]

He wants me, but only part of the time
He wants me, if he can keep me in line

[snip] 

Hush hush, keep it down now, voices carry
Hush hush, keep it down now, voices carry
Hush hush, shut up now, voices carry

How did I miss it?

MM: The Song Remembers When

I almost forgot about this week's post!  I'm working on a project and turned on my iTunes to keep me company as I work on the wreath.  Trisha Yearwood's The Song Remembers When was the first one to play and I remembered!  I also decided to use this song as a springboard for this week's post.  I kind of already addressed this a few weeks ago in this post but I figured I'd expand.  *wry chuckle*

First, let's look at the lyrics of the song (you can scroll down if you don't want to read it):

I was standing at the counter
I was waiting for the change
When I heard that old familiar music start
It was like a lighted match
Had been tossed into my soul
It was like a dam had broken in my heart

After taking every detour
Getting lost and losing track
So that even if I wanted
I could not find my way back
After driving out the memory
Of the way things might have been
After I'd forgotten all about us
The song remembers when

We were rolling through the Rockies
We were up above the clouds
When a station out of Jackson played that song
And it seemed to fit the moment
And the moment seemed to freeze
When we turned the music up and sang along

And there was a God in Heaven
And the world made perfect sense
We were young and were in love
And we were easy to convince
We were headed straight for Eden
It was just around the bend
And though I have forgotten all about it
The song remembers when

I guess something must have happened
And we must have said goodbye
And my heart must have been broken
Though I can't recall just why
The song remembers when

Well, for all the miles between us
And for all the time that's passed
You would think I haven't gotten very far
And I hope my hasty heart
Will forgive me just this once
If I stop to wonder how on Earth you are

But that's just a lot of water
Underneath a bridge I burned
And there's no use in backtracking
Around corners I have turned
Still I guess some things we bury
Are just bound to rise again
For even if the whole world has forgotten
The song remembers when
Yeah, and even if the whole world has forgotten
The song remembers when

I can't say how many of my favorite songs send me to a particular place in time when I hear them as she refers to in the lyrics.  What's funny is the second song that came up in my playlist was Bryan Adams' Heaven, which is another one though not as an extremely emotional memory.  It was the theme to the very first (out of two?) high school dance I went to, a girls' choice "Sweetheart Ball."  I wasn't planning on going because I was 15 and my "boyfriend" at the time seemed to not have any interest in dating outside of making me "his" at school and only school.  He actually shamed me into asking him to the dance.  It actually was pretty fun.  Every time I hear Heaven I am taken back to that dance. He actually was my nsdxh's best friend, though I'm afraid I ended up causing contention between them that damaged their relationship--as far as I know.

Other songs...  Any Air Supply song returns me to the Friday lunchtime dances in junior high.  I wanted SO MUCH to be asked to dance.  Never was.

Need You Tonight, Lovin' Every Minute of It, I Wanna Know What Love Is, and all those others return me to high school.

Make Me Lose Control sends me to the summer of 1988 in Germany, driving down the Autobahn with the sun shining and the sunroof open.

Right Here Waiting was a lullaby sung to my newborn son in 1989 when I was home alone at night while his dad was working.

From a Distance takes me to sitting at the table playing Jenga with my favorite person.

Wilson Philips' Impulsive causes me to reflect on one of the best "non-dates" I've ever had, driving home from Alexandria in the pouring rain while drawing hearts on the window and listening to that entire album.  Why oh why didn't he kiss me in that rain, I'll never know.  *sigh*

You Are So Beautiful...  Ugh.  I can still see his face when he said that.

Collin Raye and John Michael Montgomery songs from the mid-late 90s send me to when I was dating and newly married the second time.

I still feel guilty when it comes to I'll Think of a Reason Later and no, I still do NOT like her.

Those are only a few of the songs that trigger memories (many good, some bad) within me when I hear them.  I've always found this subject fascinating and have even written a paper and at least one blog entry about how music affects us...  I'm sure I'll visit it again.

MM: What Might Have Been

I feel somewhat...  secure?  safe?  writing in detail about my feelings in relating to this particular song because time has passed and I have had an all over general healing (or maybe not) so...   Here goes:

I was looking through all my Musical Monday posts the other day to prepare for today's post.  It was really interesting.  I hadn't realized there were so stinkin' many!  I paused on this particular post and listened to the song.  It's the first time in about three years that I allowed myself to listen.  It's funny, as soon as the opening measure began, I started tearing up, waves upon waves of memories overtaking me, not all good, not all bad.  I wasn't sure I wanted to go "there" because I'd fought so hard to deal with, accept, and move on from those very same memories that were threatening to overcome me.

What Might Have Been really struck a chord with me the first time I'd ever heard it nearly twenty years ago.  I sometimes wonder how many of us have one of those relationships...  All of us?  Some?  Most?  Am I alone in the storm of tears that has actually led me to not listen to it anymore?

The video also caused me to cry when I first saw it because I could totally relate to it.  For what ever reasons I'm not sure about anymore, a relationship that I thought would progress to marriage ended, even though that's not what I wanted.  No, not by a long shot.

Do I still think about him?  Yes.  It's hard not to. He's a major part of my life.  People like him just don't...  vanish from our thoughts.   Do I dwell on him like I used to?  Meh...  No.  Not like I used to.  I'm trying.  I really am.  What else can I do?

As I've reflected upon our relationship over the years, I've realized that I was probably more into it than he ever was.  He knew every thing about me. EVERYTHING.  I would hazard a guess that he still does.  It seemed like he could read my mind--yet I knew very little about him.  I'd ask but he wasn't interested in sharing.  Early on, I thought I knew him as well  but either my memory has dimmed or I was on cloud 9 and not really paying attention.  Having said that, he was still one of the longest-lasting "relationships" I've ever been a part of and it was hard to let go of something/someone that had let go of me.
 
The lyrics to this song almost fit "us".  So many things bring out specific memories and I would long for that "might have been".  We have taken different roads. 

And like at the end of the video.... I saw him once. At an airport. (Wait, isn't that a Rascal Flatts song?  *wry chuckle*)  It was but a brief moment but an experience that I am grateful for, treasure, and (for the most part) wouldn't change.   It was years since I'd kissed him what I thought was a temporary good bye and while we've both obviously grown older (and married to others), I still saw the young man who filled me with such completeness and love.  I also saw the years that have passed us by, the diverging roads.  The differences.  The spouses.  I still felt love, a whole lotta love, and yes, my heart felt the same way, ripped out,  when he walked away... again.

(There's a reason why it is recommended to not be friends with former "lovers".)

I've spent many years wondering what would have happened had we married  Would we have been happy?  Would we have destroyed each other?  Would life have been better?  Of course I realize it wasn't not healthy and have finally gotten to the point where I don't ruminate any more.  It wasn't meant to be and I now try to choose to live my life in the present.

But still.  The song affects me, deeply.  Those memories.  Those painful, wonderful memories. Is it any wonder I've removed it from my iPod playlist?

Though, as hard as I try to avoid it, every once in a while when I hear a song (or ten), I do find myself  briefly reflecting on"What Might have Been".

Sure I think about you now and then
But it's been a long, long time
Well I've got a good life now, I moved on
So when you cross my mind
I try not to think about what might have been
Cause that was then and
We have taken different roads
We can't go back again
There's no use giving in
And there's no way to know
What might have been

We can sit and talk about this all night long
And wonder why we didn't last
Yes, they might be the best days we will ever know
But we'll have to leave them in the past

So try not to think about what might have been
Cause that was then
And we have taken different roads
We can't go back again
There's no use giving in
And there's no way to know
What might have been

Same old look in your eyes,
It's a beautiful night
I'm so tempted to stay
But too much time has gone by
We should just say goodbye
And turn and walk away

Try not to think about what might have been
Cause that was then and we have taken different roads
We can't go back again
There's no use giving in
And there's no way to know
What might have been

No we'll never know
What might have been..

MM: Piano Guys O Come, Emmanuel

Just watch...

MM:Mistletoe and Wine

I actually wrote this on SS this week.  Hey, it works here too!

I discovered iTunes Radio a few weeks ago.  Been having fun picking out stations that I like, hearing songs that I haven't thought about for years.  (That actually has influenced a post I plan on writing soon.)

I was listening to a Christmas station today where a bunch of British Christmas songs were played.  They reminded me of a song that I haven't heard for a long time, one that I fell in love with when I first heard it 25 years ago when I was living in northern Germany.

Back then, if I wanted Englisch speaking television or radio I utilized the British Forces Broadcasting Service, which exposed me to music and shows that I wouldn't have heard or seen otherwise.

It was my first Christmas away from home, so far away.  I loved Christmas in Germany.  There wasn't much snow but the Christmas spirit was there.  I had fun finding German ornaments that I still have today.  I actually have good memories from that Christmas.

Anyway, I love the interwebs.  I can find anything or anyone.  I didn't remember the  name of the song so I just googled the artist and "Christmas" and voila....

Mistletoe and Wine.

Okay, so I know it's a little weird that someone that doesn't touch alcohol loves a song that has "wine" in the title.  I know it's a little sappy and weird too.  Those crazy British---it was a number one hit in 1988 in Great Britain (I'm three generations removed from my British ancestors).  I loved it, though.  Still do.

Cliff Richard and Mistletoe and Wine.